Month: January 2014

Stacking Days

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There are many things I love about being an educator: the early mornings, the long hours, the late nights grading papers, the endless emails asking for special permission for anything, etc.

[I would like to take this time to ask prayer for my abundance of sarcasm. It’s really getting out of hand. Amen.]

In all sincerity, I really do love being an educator. And I really love working with elementary. Something about their lack of a filter makes for pretty hilarious stories. Like the time one of my third graders started praying for the food. Problem was, it was the end of the day, not lunchtime. When I corrected him, he seamlessly continued, “Lord, I pray our food doesn’t backfire.” Not only was that gross, but I am here to tell you that the Lord did not answer that prayer.

Or what about the time I asked the students to draw a picture of their dad? One little boy excitedly ran to me and said, “I’m going to draw a picture of my mom and dad wrestling!” I seriously considered buying a lock for their bedroom door and sending it home with that child. Poor kid will probably be traumatized when he figures out what wrestling really is.

Or what about the time I was student teaching in kindergarten? We had just sat down on the carpet for Math time when one student sitting in front of me suddenly and unexpectedly released some – how shall I say it – pressure. I managed to keep a straight face and ignore it until the girl next to him looked over at him and exclaimed with a look of disgust on her face, “EWWW! THAT WAS A WET ONE!” So was the snot coming out of my nose because I could no longer control myself.

Kids are funny. They are messy, they are loud, they are clingy, and sometimes they are unavoidably obnoxious. But they are funny. And seeing their faces light up when they finally understand a concept, or watching them refuse to give up on a hard assignment has kept me in the field of education. It has kept me invested in their educational and spiritual lives at Cornerstone.

But if we’re completely honest, I think everyone of us sitting here would admit that sometimes, it gets old. It can feel routine. It can be hard to get ourselves going when we don’t see the immediate fruit of our very intensive and back-breaking labor.

On the days where I’m frustrated with myself, or worse, feeling as though my contributions don’t matter to anyone for anything, I’ve learned to go to one verse. That verse is 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (NLT):

“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.”

Sometimes God just punches me in the gut, ya know?

My job is not always exciting. I’m not always laughing with my students. Sometimes the day consists of me watching the clock for my next break or completely passing out the second I get home. Often times I’ve gone to bed without eating dinner – not because of a lack of food, but because I had absolutely no energy to get up and cook myself something (and by cook, I mean drive to the nearest Chick-Fil-A).  

But here’s the thing – I have my job because God provided it. And my job isn’t just what my job description spells out. My job is living out 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12. That process of working day in, day out, week in, week out, year after year has a term. And that term is stacking days.

We stack regular day upon regular day, waiting for that moment that our life changes and we can move away from the mundane into the exciting. But I’ve recently discovered that God is no more in the exciting than He is in the mundane. And if God can be glorified in the spotlight, then He most assuredly will be glorified in the mundane. He will be honored that I give 100% when I have every opportunity not to. He will be honored that I choose to get up and go to work when it is easier to stay home. He will be honored when I push myself to get better when I could just slide by or pass my work on to someone else.

So to me, there’s an excitement in stacking days because I know it’s leading somewhere. I know that my work, no matter how I feel in the moment, is not in vain. I know that God will take every exciting and mundane moment and make more out of it than I ever could. As Lysa TerKeurst says, “Our job is obedience; God’s job is results.” And if obedience looks like stacking days, then stacking days I will do, and put the rest in God’s hands.

Just Call Me Kathy Grace

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I’ve mentioned before that my training/background is in teaching. I taught first grade for one year, but have spent most of my time in third grade. I LOVE third graders! It’s a fun age – still young and innocent, old enough to complete fun projects, and they haven’t quite figured out what is and isn’t appropriate to share with the teacher. That has resulted in some hilarious conversations in the classroom.

Third graders are funny, y’all.

One incident occurred just two years ago. I was teaching the rules of using a period, and that particular day we were learning to place periods after a person’s initial. I explained that my middle initial is G, and so when I sign my name, I place a period after the G. Trying to make it a little more interesting for the class, I asked if they could guess what the G stood for. After a few wrong guesses, I halted the conversation when one student called out, “Grumpy?”

Ouch. Teaching third grade is not for the faint of heart. Or for  the grumpy, apparently.

For the record, my middle name is Grace. I am Bethany Grace Hernandez. (And for the record, I am the clumsiest most graceful person who ever lived. Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

When I was younger, I desperately wanted to change my name. I was not a fan of Bethany Grace. I didn’t like Bethany because I didn’t really know anyone else who had that name. It hadn’t yet become cool to be different. And I didn’t like Grace because I always got made fun for being so clumsy. (Again, thank you, Mom and Dad. And thank you, cousins. My counselor is appreciative of that vacation she can now afford due to my many family issues. I kid, I kid.) I fell, I spilled, I sprained, I face planted. Suffice it to say, I did not live up to my middle name. I was anything but graceful.

So I came up with a plan: Instead of being Bethany Grace, I would be Kathy. I can’t even begin to explain to you my reasoning behind this. All I remember is that I loved the name Kathy. (This was also around the time I told my mom that I wanted blonde hair and blue eyes instead of brown hair and brown eyes. I was a special child.)

Clearly, I failed in my measly whole-hearted attempt to change my name AND my appearance. And I learned a few important lessons along the way. Let me be clear: this is not a self-help post. It’s not a post about pulling myself up by my boot straps and getting over it (I’m from Texas, can you tell?). Today I am a (relatively) normal, confident, well-adjusted person because of one thing:

God’s grace.

The older I get, the more I am aware of God’ grace in my life. I am alive because of God’s grace. I have been incredibly blessed because of God’s grace. And even the trials that have come my way with their companions – the sleepless nights, the constant running of thoughts, the pit in my stomach that won’t go away – are a testament to the grace of God in my life. Not because they exist, but because I have gotten through it and I’m still standing. Those trials have taught me much, but what stands out at the top of the list is that God’s grace is enough to sustain me through anything.

Are you blessed? Do you have your health? Do you enjoy your relationships with family? Do you have a job that provides not just for your needs, but also many of your wants? You, my friend, have experienced God’s grace. You are still standing because of it.

Are you struggling? Are your relationships lost? Have you been given bad news by the doctor? Has your boss called you in to inform you of a new direction you are now taking? Are you working to keep everything together but it keeps falling apart? Dear one, please listen to me: you have experienced God’s grace. It may not seem like it. In fact, I know that right now it seems like just the opposite. But God’s grace is at work in your life and He wants to give you more of it! Reach out to God and take hold of His plan for you.

The other day I was completely undone by this song. It came on the radio while I was driving to work, and I had to park my car and have a good cry over the truth of it. I am overwhelmed by the grace of God my life. I am where I am because of God’s grace and I know you are too.

God’s grace will always find you, my friend. Will you allow it to change you?

Train UP

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This is part 5 of the UP Series – the last part. I hope you’ve enjoyed these devotions!

I didn’t think we should end this week without talking about a verse that permeates our Christian culture in regards to our kids and happens to be painted on a sheep outside. I’m talking about Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV):

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Train UP.

Chances are you’ve heard that phrase no fewer than 5,478 million times. I’ve heard it that many times, and I’m not even a parent. Unless you count being a mom to a crazy dog who has an unnaturally gross obsession with bathroom trash. Again, I digress.

Fall of 2007 was a big semester for me. I started student teaching that semester, and the day I got my assignment, I was very nervous. When I actually opened my assignment, my nervousness jumped from butterflies in my stomach to almost having to look for the nearest restroom. I was going to have the privilege of spending eight weeks in fourth grade, and eight weeks in kindergarten. Kindergarten! They’re babies! They haven’t yet learned that Kleenex isn’t the nearest sleeve, but an actual tissue for their nose. They don’t have full control over their bodily functions (don’t ask). And they cry for their mommy all the time!

As it turns out, Miss Hernandez cries too. Because each time something outrageous happened, I had the almost irresistible urge to run out the door and to my parents’ house. Apparently that’s frowned upon though. It took a few days, and more than a few tears for it to sink in: the beginning of a school year is not so much about the academics, but about the training. And once they’re finally trained and doing things the way we want them done, they up and move to a different teacher.

Think about it: if you’re in training for a brand new job, are you expected to know everything? No of course not. You have a supervisor who teaches you the different parts of your job as you need to know it. There are built-in allowances for mistakes. Shouldn’t it be like that for our students? Isn’t God that way with us?

Very little outside of teaching has grown my relationship with Christ the way teaching has. Something about seeing small children learning how to do their job gives me pause as I do mine. Am I truly training them to do their best, to be successful when I no longer have a say in their lives? I pray that you and I train these students well, not just to be successful academically, but to follow after God wholeheartedly.

And how do we train? I’m glad you asked. I think you’ll find this familiar:

  • Train UP by giving UP. Realize that those students we have are on loan, not only from their parents, but also from God. G
  • Train Up by cleaning UP. Choose to renew your mind consistently, and let your attitude reflect that of Christ’s.
  • Train Up by praying UP. Your students need you to pray for them. Stand in the gap for them as they deal with many challenges and temptations.
  • Train UP by speaking UP. Be your students’ advocate as only you can. Be the encourager they may not get anywhere else.

And by “training up a child” in this way, you train yourself to become more Christlike.

Speak UP

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Part 4 of UP Series

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a person of many words. I love to talk. I love to share stories and have different discussions over different topics at all times. In fact one of my favorite activities is to head over to a family member’s house just to visit. There is just so much to discuss! Guess what I got in trouble for the most while in school? That’s right – talking. Even though I knew my place and generally did what I was supposed to, inevitably something would pop in my head that needed to be shared right that instant. My teachers were not always appreciative of this particular character trait of mine. Clearly I was just trying to help them out by extending their patience levels.

I’ve often wondered how different my life would have been like had social media been around when I was growing up. And let me be the first to say, I’m glad it wasn’t. I’m glad I learned to have actual conversations with people, not hide behind a screen or feel more at home with an electronic device in my hand rather than a person in front of me. The world was not ready for the random thoughts of a 12-year old Bethany. I’m not even positive that world is ready for the random thoughts of 29-year old Bethany, but oh well. Here we are! With the popularity of social media, including blogs, Facebook, and Twitter, what has initially been a fantastic idea that could have wonderful repercussions has turned into a mess of snide comments and volatile behavior. In a world that has put all of its eggs in the basket of technology (and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE technology), it’s time to Speak UP, both literally and figuratively.

  • Literally – Speak UP for the people who can’t speak for themselves.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is that of Queen Esther. She was placed in the palace “for such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14) Handpicked by God for a special purpose, and that purpose required her opening her mouth and speaking up.

Daniel too spoke up in regards to his diet. He politely asked the overseer if he and his three friends could have a different diet – healthier than the one they were being offered. There was no rudeness in Daniel’s request, no insistence on his way, no threats. It was just a simple request. It dawned on me recently that that request may have been the catalyst that paved the way for the favor that Daniel experienced while in Babylon. He too spoke up, and many other Jews received blessings as the result of Daniel’s obedience.

And Paul? Well, let’s be honest. By all accounts, I think we can all agree that Paul can be described as a walking megaphone. He was not afraid to open his mouth and speak. But still, he didn’t run over people. He knew the right way to speak to all different personality types.

God will rarely ask us to do something within our comfort zone. Sometimes that may include speaking up for those who can’t do it themselves. I love what Christine Caine posted a while back that I think of often:

“Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.”

  • Figuratively – Speak UP to encourage others.

There’s no one here that would disagree that we are inundated with negativity. We live in a world where information is just a click away, yet many times we get more than we bargained for. There has always been sin and strife in the world, but thanks to social media, we are now more aware of it than ever. No wonder people feel hopeless. No wonder people feel alone. But we have hope! We have Jesus! We have the One who is known for raising the dead! Why wouldn’t our conversations be sweeter? Why wouldn’t our words turn people to Jesus? Why wouldn’t we be the person to invoke positive change into the lives of others?

Actions do speak louder than words, but words are still necessary. My dad tells the story of a Christian man who felt burdened to share the Gospel with is coworker. Because this man was kind of shy and uncomfortable with speaking up, he decided that he would wait to see if his coworker would notice anything different about him and ask why. After a few weeks went by, this coworker went to his friend and said, “I’ve noticed that there’s something different about you.” This man was so excited and was thinking Yes! He’s going to ask me about God. This is my open door! Outwardly he was very calm and just nodded as he waited for his coworker to continue. His coworker then asked, “Are you a vegetarian?” Not quite the difference he was looking to make.

Words are necessary. And our words matter. Look at Proverbs 18:20-21 (NLT):

“Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

Give UP your illusion of control and let God handle it.
Clean UP the areas in your life that are messy.
Pray UP to keep your close relationship with your Creator.
Speak UP and bless those around you.

Pray UP

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Part 3 of the UP Series

So far we’ve looked at –

  • Give UP – giving up our need for control to let God work in and through us, and
  • Clean UP – cleaning up the parts of our lives to allow God’s love to shine through.

Today let’s move on to our next phrase: Pray UP

This should be a slam dunk, a walk in the park, or a piece of cake. Choose the metaphor you like best. But I will be the first to admit that the head knowledge of what I know I should do in regards to prayer doesn’t always transfer to my actions.

Let’s take a pop quiz. When I ask a question, give me what you believe is the most accurate answer. Are you ready? Let’s go.

  1. Is smoking bad for you?
  2. Is eating too much sugar okay?
  3. Is it possible to be inactive, eat unhealthy foods, and live a long, healthy life?
  4. Last question: What is the most doctor/health expert-recommended way to lose weight and be healthy?

So when the doctor is telling us that we need to make healthier choices, does that really come as a surprise to us? And so it tends to be with our prayer life. We know what we are supposed to do, yet sometimes prayer remains at the bottom of our list of strategies of solving our problems. A few years ago, a teacher said something that made me laugh, mostly because the phrase hit a nerve. She said that when she worked at a particular Christian summer camp, all the workers had a phrase that they repeated often: “Has it come to that?” It was always in response to someone sharing that they had struggled to find answers before finally praying for help. I can imagine the conversation now: “I finally realized that God is the one who could help me.” “Has it come to that? Has it come to actually praying about it?” A funny phrase – a not-so-funny lesson to learn.

Or maybe we’re the opposite. Maybe God is our first request in the middle of a snag, but not our first praise when something goes our way.

I know all the Sunday School answers: Prayer is just communication with God. We should pray every day. You should pray at all times. You should not pray only when things are bad. Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda…

But still I struggle. Look at the wonderful examples in the Bible. Adam and Eve had direct contact with God. Daniel prayed three times a day, even when the consequence was losing his life. Job continued to pray even when everything and everyone except his nagging wife was taken from him. On second thought, maybe that’s why he continued to pray. Lord, take her from me. And do you really think I’m going to compare my prayer life to Jesus’?

Um, no. In fact I’m more like Peter, James, and John when Jesus asked them,

“Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?” (Matthew 26:41, NLT)

But there a few things that I strive to do that I hope can be of interest and help.

  • Say breath prayers.

This advice, which I dearly love and practice often, comes from Nelson Searcy who wrote a book on worship titled Revolve. (pg. 48) Breath prayers are just that – quick, breath prayers that we pray throughout the day. I’ve become quite adept at this, considering most of my prayers sound like “Lord, please don’t let me say anything stupid.” I’ll let you know if that prayer gets answered. Don’t hold your breath.

  • Make it personal.

God saved YOU. You have a unique story and relationship with Him. Don’t compare your journey with anyone else’s.

  • Give God your best at your best.

I’m not an early riser. Mornings for me are usually reserved for breath prayers while I run around the house trying to find everything I need for the day. The evening is usually my most favorite time of day and when I feel at my best. What’s your best part of the day? (To be clear, I do think there’s something to be said for starting your day with Jesus. But the key is being intentional about it.)

There are so many verses and examples that we could look at, but the one I think of often is when Jesus gave instructions to the disciples in Matthew 6:7: “But when ye pray…”

When you pray, not if you pray.

Give UP, clean UP, pray UP.

Clean UP

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Part 2 of of the “Up” Series

Yesterday I shared some thoughts with you about giving up. This year, I want to give up my control, or more accurately, my illusion of control to God. Giving up, however, does not mean sitting around doing nothing. It doesn’t mean being reckless with the responsibilities that God has given us either. Once I give up, then I’m ready to clean up. Because you see, while God is in the business of redeeming and restoring the broken things in our lives, He also lets us in on the action. I mentioned that quote yesterday that is now one of my favorites:

God doesn’t recruit from the pedestal. He recruits from the pit.

Let’s face it: the pit is smelly. The pit is stinky. The pit does not offer luxury hotel accommodations or even soap and water. So when God brings us out of the pit, is there some cleaning that needs to be done? Absolutely.

There are some things that I can and need to clean up:

1. I need to clean up my attitude.

While I was complaining about the 20 degree weather, people in a large part of the country are not able to leave their homes because of the weather. While I was complaining about having to get up early in the mornings again (Sleeping in is my favorite thing to do. No joke.), someone was praying for a job with steady income for their family. While I was complaining that my house is too small, someone was wishing for a house period.

I don’t know about you, but my default attitude is a negative attitude. It is a constant struggle to clean up my attitude. You’ve heard it said that while we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control our attitude about it. I’ve learned many times over the past year that my initial reaction to something says a lot about me, not necessarily the situation.

I love what Paul says in Philippians 2:5 (NLT):

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

We all know what Christ’s attitude was – one of humility and not of pride.

A personal challenge for me is the following:

Philippians 4:11 (NLT) – …for I have learned to be content with whatever I have.

But wait, I’m not done cleaning!

2. I need to clean up my speech.

The first time God brought this to my mind, I initially argued with Him saying that I didn’t curse. (Have I mentioned that I need to clean up my attitude?) But as you know, cursing isn’t the end all of inappropriate speech. Have you ever been around a person who is newly saved yet still rough around the edges? They love God, but they haven’t let go of their old ways and words? I’ll admit, I’ve smiled or laughed when in their zeal, someone lets out a string of inappropriate words while expressing their gratitude to God for saving them from their sin. What I don’t find funny, though, is the ruthless gossip and ugliness that can be a part of any church or Christian organization. I’ve heard faithful churchgoers completely slam a person or situation, all the while never uttering a curse word.

That sound you hear? It’s me groaning from the pain of my toes being stepped on. I may not curse, but I’ve done more than my fair share of hurting people because I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut. And boy does the Bible have some things to say about that.

Matthew 12:34 (NIV): You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

James 3:9-10 (NIV): With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My dear brothers, this should not be.

Sobering. Although not necessarily a surprise, it’s still sobering to realize how much our words affect others. When I walk away from a conversation with someone else, my goal is to leave them encouraged.

Now, let’s not kid ourselves. No one is reading this thinking “You know, I’ve never thought about cleaning up my attitude and speech. This is brand new information!” If you claim the human race, chances are that you need to consistently work on your attitude and speech as well. (And if you don’t claim the human race, come talk to me. I have questions.) ANYWAY, this is where I believe the third area comes into play.

3. I need to clean up my thoughts.

So here’s the thing (again, no brand new information here): what we think about becomes what is in our heart, and what’s in our heart determines the words that we speak. Have you ever thought to yourself, “These people should be so happy that I’m not saying everything I’m thinking”? Yeah, that. But you and I both know that harnessing our thoughts is just as important as harnessing our words. And I don’t know about you, but it’s a lot easier to harness my words than it is my thoughts.

Even though I know that the key to managing my speech is managing my thoughts, I don’t always execute that well. Then I get frustrated that my thoughts have put me in a bad mood, lash out at someone, then feel guilty for taking it out on them.

Ah vicious cycle, thy name is Bethany.

Once again, I’m saved by the Word of God.

Romans 12:2 (NIV) “Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Renewing doesn’t happen just once. For me, it doesn’t happy daily. It happens multiples times each day. I have to refocus on God. I have to reclaim His promises. I have to re-read those verses that have seen me through uneasy days. And by renewing my mind, I clean up my thoughts.

So today, give up what you can’t control. Clean up what you can.

Give UP

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*The following is a devotion I wrote to share with the teachers I work with. I’ve modified it a bit to make more sense for you, o fearless reader of my blog. This is the first of five installments that I’m debuting this week. (I feel so fancy saying that.) All responses are welcome-as long as they are glowing reports of the content. Or the writer. I’m not picky.

I heard a pastor once reference this poem, and it so intrigued me that I had to go find it to read it for myself. After reading this poem, I thought of five phrases containing the word up that we can look at this week.

The first phrase I want to look at today is GIVE UP.

This may sound a little weird, especially with it being the New Year. This is the time of year that people make new resolutions, goals, or just generally decide to do better. It’s a clean slate, a new starting point, and a way to begin fresh. So why would we choose to give up in January?

Read 2 Corinthians 1:8-10. Paul is writing to the people in Corinth letting them know about the troubles he has faced in preaching, and he offers some very interesting insights into his troubles.

The phrase “beyond our ability to endure” implies that they couldn’t handle it. It was beyond, too much, overwhelming, etc. I’m sure Paul and his traveling buddies did everything possible to fix the situation, but it was beyond their ability. The key to this passage comes from verse 9: “(as a result of expecting to die) we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.”

What did they do? They gave up. They gave God the reins. They quit trying to solve their problems themselves and gave them to the One who raises the dead. If I’m going to ask someone to help me, it’s definitely going to be the One who was known for raising the dead.

If there is a “Christianese” phrase that annoys me the most, it’s that God won’t give us more than we can handle. I can understand and even appreciate the sentiment behind this phrase, because ultimately it’s meant as a phrase of comfort when someone is struggling. But it implies that we don’t need to depend on God because we’ve got it. After all, He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

But Paul, and I strongly suspect everyone here, has experienced just the opposite. A dream shattered, a situation overwhelming, a relationship lost – these and many other things make life complicated. And those impossible situations to us are opportunities to God to show up. How can God show up if we don’t need Him? How can God work miracles if we can handle it? How can God change us if we are already perfect?

I love this quote by Mike Foster that I read yesterday: God doesn’t recruit from the pedestal. He recruits from the pit.

The truth is, we desperately need God. We need His presence, His guidance, His comfort, His wisdom, His peace, His compassion, and most of all His grace. And we can experience those in their fullest when we GIVE UP.

Give up your tendency to be controlling. Give up your desire to fix what you can’t. Give up trying to manipulate situations to get your desired outcome. And experience God’s goodness in its entirety.

(Wo)Man’s Best Friend

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ImageHer name is Raegan. And she drives me absolutely insane.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Last summer, I thought I would get a dog. I deliberately decided to get one in the summer, because I knew I would have more time to train/bond with a dog. First mistake: taking my baby brother and cousin with me to the animal shelter just to look. Our conversation went something like this:

“Ok, I want to get a dog but I can’t get one right this instant. We are here to look.”

Both of them begin nodding heads ecstatically.

“I just want to make sure you understand. No buying today. Just looking.”

More nodding.

“Ok, let’s go.”

We look at all the dogs, and although they were all cute, I didn’t find one that I absolutely had to have. (Why can’t I have this problem with shoes? Or clothes? Or purses?) As we were walking out, we saw some dogs that because they were so small, were put in the same type of kennels as cats/kittens. This is where I saw my future dog.

ImageDo NOT let that cute face get to you. Apparently she was hiding a lot of evil behind that cuteness.

Despite my speech before we walked into the animal shelter, and despite my immediate warm fuzzies for the cutest puppy I had ever laid eyes on (not to be dramatic or anything), I was determined to stick to my guns and not make a rash decision. What helped was that she wasn’t even available to adopt the following week. What did not help was that brother and cousin made it their life’s mission to make sure that I decided to adopt her. In fact, when we left, they spent the rest of their day coming up with a name for her. I settled on Raegan, or Rae Rae for short (because replacing a two syllable name with two one syllable names makes the most sense. But I digress). Ronald Reagan is my brother’s favorite President, and I liked that her name started with an R, since my sister’s dog and my mom’s dog both have names that start with R. What I did not foresee was three dogs’ confused faces when we called any one of them. Hello, they all have the same first initial. How did I miss this?

SPOILER ALERT: I adopted her. She became Raegan Hernandez. And she immediately made my life a living nightmare joy.

“But she is sooooo cute!” you say.

Oh, gentle reader. Cute will only get you so far. Actually, that’s a lie. Cute will get you everywhere because she’s still alive.

ImageSick because she swallowed an avocado pit. A pit, I tell you! It was almost as big as she was. Thankfully she threw it up instead of it coming out the other end. Ahem.

Even though she was considerably smaller than the other dogs, she would not let them dominate her. If they knocked her down, she would jump right back up and get back to annoying them. She bullied the other dogs. She ran everywhere. She got into every single trash can. She insisted that I be at her beck and call, and if I wasn’t paying attention to her, she would make sure that I did. In fact, one day I was doing homework and she jumped on my books to get my attention.

ImageDo you see that face? That’s called smug. Smug that she managed to make life about her once again.

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She got caught being a bully and does she look even the least bit contrite? No, no she does not. Welcome to my world.

Yet despite the roller coaster that is my life as Rae’s momma, I have loved every most of it. I know I’m biased, but I really do think she’s a beautiful dog. A bully? Yes. Crazy? Yes. Sworn enemy of the trash collectors? Judging by the furious barking when they come to get my trash, yes. (Rae, they’re doing us a favor. Let them do their job, please, or you’ll see a mad momma.)  My baby girl? Absolutely.

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And Then I Found Myself

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Back in the day (we’re talking years here, people. like six), I used to have a blog. I blogged about every day things, but the majority of my stories had to do with my students and how funny they were. But one day, I quit blogging. There was never a reason – I just quit. The funny thing is those three years that I didn’t blog were probably most of the interesting years I had – both professionally and personally.

I kept looking for a reason to start blogging again, but I couldn’t find one. The things I would have blogged about before were gone. I was a teacher; I’m not anymore. I was a fiancee; I’m not anymore. I was a girl who thought she was in total control of her future; I’m not anymore. So what’s a girl to do? What’s a girl to blog about?

How about the family that held it together for her when she couldn’t? How about the friends who went out of their way to show their support? What about the subtle and not-so-subtle ways God made Himself known to draw a broken girl unto Him?

I find myself in a very different place than three years ago. Same family, same house, same school. Yet things are changing in a way that I cannot predict. I’m not a teacher anymore but I am an elementary principal (that in itself is a story. like woah). I’m not a fiancee anymore but I am someone who knows and has experienced God’s unfailing love. I’m not in control of my life, but I am someone who knows peace in her life – God’s unending and overwhelming peace. So I face 2014 with excitement and hope, uneasiness and frailness. And I put them in the hands of God who has proved Himself faithful.

And then I found myself.